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Beating “Bad” Behavior

My little guy couldn’t be less aggressive.  He throws his tantrums when he doesn’t get the tv show or food that he wants at that exact moment, but never self-injurious or scary.

I think I’m lucky.  I have a good friend who’s son is very, very aggressive toward his younger brother. He’s on medication to keep him “calm” but he still has moments of rage.  As we all know, autism takes on all forms and vastly different symptoms.  Is your child aggressive or angry with his/her autism, and how are you treating or dealing with that?  Are there any doctors locally who have made progress with your child’s aggression? 

Thanks
JEROD

Our son has bouts with aggression.  Most of the time it just involves throwing things when he is upset.  He sometimes exhibits self-injurious behavior, but not too often.  As far as being aggressive physically towards others, Brayden only does that to me, my daughter and my mom - don’t know why just us three…maybe because we are with him more than anybody else(?).

We are going to start ABA therapy this summer, so I’m hoping that will help us with the aggressive outburst.  Although I must say that our little guy has come a long way during this past school year (preschool, he’s 4).  Now he seems to understand, and at times show remorse when he hurts someone.  This is big!  He’s starting to understand consequences.  Anymore, his outbursts are not nearly as numerous as they were, but we still have some work to do.

When Brayden goes to hit or smack someone, I take his hands and say, “Brayden, we don’t hit.  Hitting hurts.“  Then, I try to get him to use his words.  I may ask, “What do you want?“ Or I’ll just talk him through it, “Brayden, it’s ok to be mad, it’s not ok to hit.“ Or something similar.  If Brayden throws something because he is upset, I have him pick up and put back what he has thrown, even if I have to help him hand-over-hand.  Let me tell ya, it’s not easy and it takes lots of energy and patience (especially when he tosses out all of his wooden blocks across the living room), but there are times now when I see him hesitate before throwing things because he is thinking about it.  Usually I’ll say, “Brayden, don’t throw.  If you throw, you clean up.“  Sometimes just saying that keeps him from doing it.  Not always, but at least there has been some progress.

Well, I hope that helps!  Like I said, we are looking to start ABA this summer so hopefully that will help more, and we’re also looking into doing the GFCF diet - so we’ll see how/if that benefits his behaviors.

Liza

As an adult with AS, I have to say that I think Liza’s ideas are absolutely what we need.

I think, as Liza says, that we have to (and can) learn that although we can’t control our emotions, we can and must control our actions.  Our emotions are OK, and it is OK to be mad.  It’s not OK for us to display inappropriate behaviour.  Our neurology may make our thoughts and emotions different from those other people experience.  But there is nothing wrong with our muscles.  We can and must control our actions.

I like the idea of “natural consequences”.  We can have real issues with punishments.  After all, a punishment is someone deciding we have done something wrong, and deciding what to do about it.  We can believe, and can argue, that they are wrong in their decisions.

A natural consequence is just the natural consequence of an action.

By the way, often the only difference between a punishment and a natural consequence is how it is explained. :-)

For example, if we throw our food, you could give a “punishment” of “I’m mad at you, so I’m not going to make you any more food and you have to go hungry”.  This is a conscious decision you are making, and we can argue with it.  Or, you could point out the “natural consequence” of our throwing our food is that there isn’t any more food made, and you have to help one of your other children (or go out, or you have other things to do) so that although you would like to, you really don’t have time to make any more food and we’ll have to wait until supper.

The explanation can make all the difference.  We can argue with punishments.  We have a much harder time arguing against natural consequences.  Natural consequences are what we’ll face in the real world.  The sooner we learn about them from you, the better.

A quick note.  Until you get used to them, coming up with natural consequences can be harder, take longer, and require much more thought than administering punishments.  But I think if people can put in this effort, they will be pleasantly surprised with the results.

Chris (cmaspt on Twitter)

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