Brady's Page

The 2nd Child--Hopes and Worries

Here is a week of emotion for us...on a Tuesday in July of last year,
we got Brady’s autism diagnosis...just 2 days later on a Thursday, we
found out I was pregnant.  Wow, the highs and lows we went through!  I
have always wanted three children, but we wondered if the timing was
right.  Brady was sure to need all our time and attention for years to
come, could we give two children everything they needed with this new
development in our lives?  Everyone kept telling me a sibling would be
wonderful for Brady...he would have a live-in playmate and they could
learn from each other.  I think I am truely just now beginning the see
they could be right and letting go of the guilt I felt for “doing this
to Brady”.

One in 80 boys develops autism.  That gives each little boy a 1.25% or
greater chance of having autism.  As I look at my beautiful little 1%
Brady, I then look over to his baby brother, Ty, who has a 5-6% higher
risk as a sibling of autism.  How worried will I be for the months and
years to come?  Will I study Ty’s every milestone and movement looking
for a sign of autism?  Will I let myself compare him to his big
brother, to other children in the grocery store or the mall?  When
will the worries end?  My guess is...not anytime soon.

I am a firm believer that autism has a genetic basis...that certain
genes make a child susceptible to autism...and that some environmental
factor triggers it.  I don’t even think it is neccessarily the same
environmental factor for every child.  I am not sure yet what
triggered it for Brady.  I question his vaccines, all the unnatural
substances in the foods he ate, chemicals in our homes and air, lead
paint on his toys, fertility shots and prolonged labor...the list goes
on with worry after worry.  I was quick to run out and buy all new
baby bottles that are free of bisphenol a and phthalates when that
warning came out last month.  I have Ty on soy formula since Brady’s
regression came right around the time he began drinking milk (Brady
now only drinks soy and LOVES it).

Ty should begin the typical vaccination schedule this month at his
2-month check-up.  I have already made the decision we aren’t going
with the typical schedule, we are going to do one shot at a time and
put them no closer together than 30 days.  But, what do start
with...and do we get them all or only the ones that he is currently at
risk for?  Does it seem strange to anyone else that no matter the
health or size of your child, they all get identical vaccinations?
Are these shots truely one size fits all?  So many questions, and not
nearly enough answers.

Brady has to work so hard to develop the same skills that come
naturally to a typical child.  I am amazed how hard he works, I just
don’t want Ty to have the same struggles.  I am dreaming of the day my
two boys will talk to each other and wrestle one another to the
ground.  I want to see them pass a ball with Daddy out in the yard and
call each other names.  I want them to play with the other children in
the neighborhood and enjoy all the beauties of childhood...I love my
boys and they deserve all the best in life...my plan is to give them
just that.

I am happy to hear that you are questioning the vaccine schedule and have decided to proceed slowly and with caution. We are doing the same thing with our youngest since her older brother was diagnosed with autism at three.

Jerod and Sarah,
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and honest emotions about Brady. He sounds like a wonderful little boy and I’m sure he will be a great big brother! My husband and I have three boys ages 9, 7 and 3. My 7 year-old,Jared, was diagnosed with autism at age 4. We, too, had the same concerns about his brothers and how they would relate to each other. It turns out that Jared is becoming an amazing big brother and he loves spending time wrestling and playing ball with both of his brothers. Believe me, it is not an easy road. Jared sometimes gets more attention because of his difficulty with communication and outbursts he will sometimes have. But every year that goes by, we see more and more progress and it is heartwarming to see him express love towards his brothers. I would love to someday know what triggered this in Jared, but not in his siblings. What matters now is to not lose hope and to celebrate every amazing thing Brady does. I’m sure there will be many! Take care!!

May God Bless you both for all you are doing for your son and for other families.  Remember “ I can do all things through Christ who strenghtens me.” Philippians 4:13

Siblings of children with autism can be a great source of encouragement and strength.  Our daughter, Sarah, has been a wonderful role model for her brother.  Her experience with Brayden has lead her to be a much more nurturing and caring person.  She truly has a connection with her brother, and is able to engage him in ways that we are sometimes unable to do ourselves.  I’m sure that Ty and Brady will develop a wonderful bond with each other as they grow, and - just as my Sarah - he will probably become his brother’s greatest supporter :-)

I also agree with your concerns about the vaccination schedule.  I was personnaly shocked out how much it had changed between the time I had my daughter in 2001 and Brayden’s birth in 2005.  Brayden received about 4 shots per visit during his first year!  After his second round of shots, he had a reaction with an extremely high fever (104).  I sometimes wonder if that wasn’t the trigger for him....hopefully someday we’ll find out.  But, in the meantime, it certainly doesn’t hurt to be cautious.

Thanks for sharing your concerns/feelings...take care! :-)

I completely understand your confusion. I have a son who is now 5 that was dx’d with autism at age 2.5. We knew something wasn’t right and started him in speech and occupational therapy before he even got dx’d. Now after 3 yrs of therapies and us working with him he is doing very well. I’ve always worried about what caused it and could cause it in future siblings. I have an older girl and a younger girl (Aiden is middle child) and am now preg with a boy. So far my other kids are neurotypical, though youngest is only 19mths so I won’t relax until she is 2.5. When we had our youngest girl, we decided the same thing you mentioned above. We were going to do 1 vaccine a mth. We did for a few mths. Actually we did for the first year of her life, although we went a couple mths inbetween some vaccines. Then, after more research and talking to others, we decided that the risks of the vaccines were too much for us to want to continue. We stopped vaccinating. We do not plan to vaccinate our son when he is born nor do we plan to give any future ones to our older children. In 1982 the schedule included 10 vaccines for children. That’s what I know I rcvd. Now the count is around 36 shots! They often give 4-5 at a time. I feel it is not only too much too soon, but that the chemicals in the vaccines are horrible. Many of the vaccines have various amnts of things in them such as mercury, aluminum, ether, antifreeze, fermeldahyde (spellig?), etc. I’d love to protect my child from diseases. But at what risk? Would I take a spoon and feed it to my child with any trace amnt of the chemicals above. I decided no. No matter what benefits I am told it might give the child, the risk of getting autism seems to be higher than the risk of most of the diseases they are being vaccinated for. I am not saying vaccines are the only cause of autism. I also don’t use tuna ESPECIALLY when preg. Many drs don’t even recommend you eat it when preg or bfing. Yet they have no prob saying to get the child a shot with the same chemical in it. Doesn’t make sense to me. I am careful about other chemicals and what not. It’s hard to say, I am not going to vaccinate. But if I knew before what I know now I do not think I would have given any to my other children at all. I didnt mean to go on. And not trying to persuade anyone to stop vaccinating either as it’s up to each parent to research and do what the feel is best for their child. I just came across your page and felt an understanding of all you’re going through. I wish you the best with your two boys.