Calling all parents—your advice is needed!

Take a good look at this picture.  It was taken while Scott and Heidi were on their honeymoon almost two years ago.  They are now expecting their first child (a boy) and have no idea how their world is about to be “rocked.“  In a fabulous way, of course.

After such a serious topic yesterday (SIDS) I thought we should have a little fun today.  Since Scott and Heidi will soon be new parents, they could use some of your fabulous tips on surviving the first few months of parenthood.  I call it “Baby Boot Camp.“  Those first few months are wild, aren’t they?  It’s all a blur to me now, since Caroline is quickly growing into a toddler. 

I am so happy for Scott and Heidi.  They will make wonderful parents and are really enjoying these last few months of Heidi’s pregnancy.  It really is a special time to enjoy.  So often, we get frazzled with getting things ready for the baby and worrying about silly things like, did I sterilize everything within a five mile radius?  Nesting will prompt you to do crazy things, and worry for no good reason.  I guess it gets us ready for parenthood.  :)

Ok—so here is the fun part.  Let’s dish about parenting tips, and give our very best advice to Scott and Heidi.  It can be anything from which are the best bottles, to finding ways to get your child to sleep.  Really, have fun with this.  I know Heidi is looking for advice on finding a pediatrician and breastfeeding, but beyond that she’ll take all the advice she can get.  Also, I know we’ll all want to say “just enjoy it and don’t stress out.“  That’s true, and if I could go back I’d actually listen to that advice.  But let’s give Heidi some real tips she can use.  That’s what we are here for right?  To help each other out.  I do hope you enjoy this, as much as she will enjoy reading it.

Here are some things I came up with:

1.) Sleep, eat, sleep, eat.  I did neither the first month and really paid for it.  We had trouble nursing and I am almost certain that contributed to our problems.  So definitely take all the help you can get.  I know it’s hard, because we tend to want to do it all, but you can’t and you might as well learn that lesson right away.

2.) You don’t need to buy everything at the baby stores.  Seriously, a hundred years ago babies managed to survive without a bottle sterilizer, designer clothes, and the spa-like bathtub.  Of course, stock up on what you need, but don’t go overboard and buy up the entire store.  The two things you really need when you leave the hospital are a car seat and the baby.  Am I right?

3.) If you run into any trouble nursing, call the Elizabeth Blackwell Center.  The women there know what they are talking about and saved me!  Here are the numbers, and keep them handy.  614-566-5353 or 1-800 313-9711.  Also, they have some great classes to help prepare you.  In fact, we took the “baby care basics” class and when the instructor asked if there was anyone who hadn’t changed a diaper, my dear husband raised his hand.  At that point I knew it was money well spent.

4.) Swaddling worked for us.  Buy some larger swaddling blankets and make sure you don’t leave the hospital without getting a good lesson from the nurses in swaddling.  They are pros, I tell ya.  Swaddling really helped calm Caroline and get her settled down to sleep.

5) Thank heaven for the SWING.  Caroline loved her swing.  Not every baby does, so it’s something you’ll just have to try, but it was great because I could put Caroline in her swing and have my hands free for a little while.  I could even make a quick run into the shower.  It was a huge help.

Ok—let’s hear from everybody else—what worked and what didn’t?

Have fun everybody!

Ellie

As the proud father of two girls, ages 3 yrs and 5 months, I can honestly say that you are in for an amazing experience. But an experience that has numerous challenges and hardships.

That being said, before the baby is born you should do all of the following as much as possible: go to dinner, go to movies, go to bars, go to concerts, go to the park, hang out with friends, have romantic evenings, take naps mid-afternoon, and sleep in late.

My other piece of advice, post-baby, is after a month or so, you need to get the baby out of your room and into the crib. You should try to avoid sleeping with the baby in your bed as that is a very slippery slope.

Also, and this is essential, you have to let the baby cry hisself or herself to sleep at night. The key to having a baby that sleeps well is to let them learn to self-sooth. If they learn to fall asleep in your arms or with a pacifier, they will never learn to sleep well on their own. Sleeping problems for newborns and infants tend to stay with toddlers and can even progress to sleeping problems as an adult.

With our first child, she slept in our bed a lot and was a very fussy, fitful sleeper. She needed one of us to rock her to sleep and especially loved stroking mother’s hair. As a 3 year old, she still has problems falling to sleep and has problems sleeping through the night. We learned from our mistakes. Our second daughter was sleeping through the night and taking great naps during the day by two months because she was never in our bed and learned to self-sooth. It can be hard to let your baby cry, but the benefits to you and the baby are worth it.

My words of wisdom would be to realize every and I do mean every baby is different and will develop on their own pace.  It is really easy to stress yourself out when you hear that a baby of a similar age is doing something that your baby is not doing.  Enjoy and respect your own baby’s unique development plan and celebrate his accomplishments when they happen. Enjoy those first few months they go by soooo fast! :)

I disagree with the guy who said you have to get the baby to sleep by himself so quickly. It is such a relief to just take a nap with the baby, or to roll over and nurse the baby without getting up, turning on the lights, tripping over the cat, get the baby from his room, etc!  It is normal for a baby to want to be near his parents, and normal for a young baby to wake through the night. It’s a dark, scary world out there and you are the one who makes it safe and better.

Anyway, my advice is to take the help that people offer. People offer to clean your house/do your yard work/ bring food?  Accept!  I also would advise on stocking up on diapers a little bit- they go through a dozen a day those first few weeks.  I wore my daughter in a sling, which allowed me to do light housework and let her sleep knowing I was right there with her, and it got her used to the noise of a house.

BESST ADVISE FROM LITTLE KARLA (HI SCOTT & HEIDI)
IF YOU DON’T KNOW THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION, YA KNOW THE FIRST ONE THE KID STUMPS YOU WITH….TELL HIM SO AND HAVE FUN RESEARCHING IT AND FIGURING IT OUT TOGETHER…
NOW YA KNOW HOW I GOT TWO SUCH SMART KIDS…AND I KNOW YA DID WONDER! HA
GOOD LUCK ELLIE (typed without my glasses on..hope it all makes sense)

Wow! What wonderful and helpful advice. Scott and I appreciate the time taken today to give us such thoughtful and wise tips. We honestly love advice - and always seem to have so many questions when it comes to what exactly we are going to do when our baby arrives! We are currently working on finding a pediatrician and spending hours and hours trying to finish some last minute home projects before the baby arrives this summer! My poor husband, his “honey do” list is quite long these days - I’m just getting too big to help with some of the tasks!
Nonetheless, thank you for sharing your thoughts - we welcome them!

As far as the sleep discussion is concerned, I think it’s very important to consider that what you can expect of a baby sleep-wise changes with the baby’s age. I remember hearing and reading over and over again that you cannot spoil a very young baby…the first couple of months are a time of establishing trust, and the baby needs to know you are there to comfort and love him or her. That being said, once the baby is developmentally ready to sleep certain stretches on his/her own, then letting him/her cry it out, while extremely hard, really does work as far as getting your child to a good place with sleep. I have a 14-month-old, and we have had to do the cry-it-out method a couple of times. He is in a good place now with his sleep behavior—it’s well worth it.

My biggest advice at the beginning is to seek out the support of other new moms and dads. I had some depression after having my son, and it was the knowledge that there were other moms and dads out there who had felt the same way and were going through the same things that saved me. There are so many beautiful moments, but it’s the hard moments that are good to share with friends. You’ll be surprised to find that your friends will be able to empathize with almost everything. I really had to seek out new-mom friends, though. I recommend prenatal yoga classes (before baby comes), story time (once baby comes…even if baby isn’t getting much out of it), and hanging out at mom hot-spots (parks, malls, pools). Once you are a mom, it really is like you’re a part of an exclusive club, and most moms are very excited to talk to other moms about their experiences.

Goodness, I could go on forever with advice from my own experience. I guess, though, there’s a lot you will just learn as you go…since your child will be an adventure all his or her own. You will do wonderfully!

My best advice would be…. when you think you dont know how to do something or what to do in a situation, just go with the flow and you will figure it out.  Do what is right for you and your family and that is all that matters.  I swear my husband and I came home and looked at eachother and said, “Now what?“  More than anything in those first few weeks just remind yourselves that you will figure it out.  Babies dont break, enjoy the time, kiss the baby, eachother and remember this is your new family.  Cherish every minute because they get so big so fast!!!
Oh and on the pediatrican thing….OLENTANGY PEDIATRICS is awesome.  I started somewhere else and was incredibly unhappy with the office staff and nurses….once we found Dr.  Koesters I knew we had found our pediatrican for life!!!

I am SO happy with our pediatricians! We go to Step by Step Pediatrics in Westerville. There are 2 pediatricians who practice there. Both are outstanding!!! They never made me feel silly for asking a lot of the “new parent” questions and they always make time that day if Hannah needs to be seen. Also I never feel that they are in a hurry or aren’t listening to what I have to say. The staff is great too. I trust our pediatricians, and THAT is the most important thing.

Sorry to go off in my own little tangent there..

OK advice…

-Instead of buying those itty bitty burp cloths, buy a pack of cloth diapers. They are SO much more absorbent, and cover more of your clothing. Also more cost effective

-Also spend a few bucks and get one of those little baskets that go in the dishwasher that holds bottles lids, nipples, etc…it is MUCH easier than doing it by hand when you are exhausted.

-Check out Meijer’s baby department. I saw their ad last week, and they had Graco pack n plays/swings/ etc for much less than BRU(Babies R US)

-While its just fine to get “gently used” items, you don’t want to buy an used car seat. Its just plain dangerous. Its safer for your LO(Little One)to have a newer up to date model that you KNOW how has not been in a car wreck. Also, take it to your nearest Fire or Police Department to have them install it…then have them show YOU how to install it correctly.
I don’t know the exact statistics but its somewhere around 80%...the percentage of car seats that are installed incorrectly.

-Its not only ok to have the “baby blues”, its quite normal. Its nothing to be embarrassed or guilty over. It doesn’t make you a “bad” parent at all. This not only goes for the moms…dads as well are effected by this.

-On the same topic, if the baby blues last more than a few weeks, its smart to talk to your doctor about it. In fact, its the best thing not only for you but for your baby.

-If people offer to bring food(clean, etc), take them up on it! Seriously, it will be such a help. Don’t feel guilty, if they didn’t want to help, they wouldn’t have offered in the first place.

-It is OKAY to ask/tell people to give you space and time alone with your new family. People love to visit and call after a baby is born, but they forget how that you need your rest. People will not be offended.

Congrats to you, and if I can think of anything else I will post later :)

As the mom of 3 children 4 and under, I have come to realize that you will NEVER know everything.  There are so many ways to parent your children!  Something may work for one child, but not for another due to temperment differences.  Always ask others you trust for advice, but go with your instincts.  You know your child better than anyone!One thing that is extremely important is to not forget your spouse!  In all the craziness of those first few months when the major accompishment of the day is taking a shower, you can get so caught up in everything you think you should do, that you forget the reason this baby is here in the first place!  Your love has allowed God’s creative power to work through you!  What an awesome gift!  Remember to nurture your marriage, because a strong marriage will allow your children to start life on the right path.

Hi Guys.  Congratulations on your coming addition! 

I am a mother of four.  Two boys and two girls, in that order.  They are 7, 3 1/2, 23 months, and 3 months.  Besides a lot of multi-tasking, it gets easier each time!

Parenthood is awesome!  But admittedly, the first baby is a big life change!  Just remember when it’s hard that, “THIS TOO SHALL PASS!“  The baby will not cry forever, you will get to go to sleep etc!

I’ve been reading the other comments and I think there has been some really sound advice so far…though I do not agree with the post recommending co-sleeping for the SIDS reason.

I would definitely like to sound off on a few of the other posts though…

1.  DO read the car seat manual, both on how to properly install your car seat in the car *and* properly securing your child in the seat!!!!!

2.  Be patient with breastfeeding!  (I swear all those mothers on National Geographic went to extensive breastfeeding school.)  Don’t give up too quickly!  It can be very challenging, but you can do it!  For Mt. Carmel and St. Ann’s the breastfeeding helpline is 234-MILK.  Invest in a good breast pump, it’s a life saver!  If you use a pacifier, for your own comfort avoid the orthodontic shaped ones.

3.  Babies are capable of self-soothing between 2 and 4 months.  As long as they are fed, dry, and not sick or hurting in some way…it will not harm them to cry!  I totally recommend putting your baby to bed awake!  (It’s easier to start if you pay attention to their natural schedule and lay them down at times when you know he or she is already sleepy.) 

Babies go in and out of sleep.  If they awaken in the same environment in which they fell asleep, they will be much more likely to be okay with that and go right back to sleep.  Plus, as they get older you will be able to set nap and bed times as you need them.  Trust me, that’s a very good thing!  And a good routine and sleep habits are not just helpful for you, but good for your baby too. 

Regarding nighttime feedings with newborns…I highly recommend a small lamp with a blue or purple light bulb.  It gives just enough light to change a diaper and nurse without arousing the baby too much.  Cuddles and kisses are great…but don’t talk!  I’ve found that these two things go a long way in communicating that nighttime is for sleeping!

Okay, I’ve more than taken my turn.  I’ll be quiet now.  But best wishes to you both!

p.s.  Bug spray removes permanent marker like magic!  That’s a little advice to grow on!  :)

COFFEE…you can never have enough coffee on hand to get you started in the mornings to do your best!  Try to keep in mind that “this to shall pass”, so whenever you’re sleep deprived and feeling like you continue to forget to brush your teeth/put on clean clothes that that will all pass.  Once your child starts to smile, you’ll feel your heart smile in a way you never felt.  Don’t read alot of parenting books and try to judge your child based on those books.  EVERYONE is different, and it may make you paranoid if your child is developing or doing things at stages the book describes.  Just enjoy yourself and as long as your child is clean, happy and healthy, you’re doing an awesome job!

Well, first of all…. CONGRATULATIONS to you both as you prepare for the best part of your life.  My husband and I are truly blessed every single day with our little IVF miracle “Cameron”.  He is now 17 months old and the true light of our lives!!  Enjoy every single minute of it as each day goes by so fast.  Let me first of all tell you of a GREAT pediatrician.  Dr. Wheasler with Professional Pediatrics on Nike Drive (Hilliard) is truly AWESOME.  They are so caring, gentle and understanding.  Being a first time parent was something that I couldn’t wait for , but yet I still had plenty of questions about this and that and they were always there to help.  They even have a 24 hour hotline that connects you to the nursing staff at Children’s Hospital.  If you have an urgent matter they are always willing to squeeze you in to make sure your little one is ok.  I will tell you one thing that I learned with have a little boy and I learned it very fast!!  Be sure to cover his “winkie” when changing his diaper.  Whoa, you could think that you are changing the diaper fast, but he can also spray at the drop of the hat so be sure to have another diaper handy or even a blanket or something.  Yep, I got sprayed a few times and so did Daddy.  Regarding items that I find are a must have…. Definitely a Boppy Pillow.  I also tried nursing, but my son would never take to me so I pumped for several months and the Elizabeth Blackwell Center was awesome in helping to find the perfect breast pump and they were so very helpful.  We always used the Playtex Nurser Bottles (Drop-Ins) and they were great for us.  Don’t hesitate to use the Wal-Mart brand as they are a whole lot cheaper and work just as good.  We would normally warm the bottle up in a pitcher with hot water and that worked great for us.  Ok, now to diapers…. we used Pampers when Cameron was first born because they were great plus the hospital gave us a ton when we left, but we soon found out that Pampers were a bit expensive and since I quit work we needed to find something cheaper so we tried Luvs and we still use them to this day.  Two more things that might be helpful… check out babycenter.com for lots of helpful info and be sure to sign up *free* for updates on your baby’s growth.  Just remember that all babies are different and grow and learn at different times.  Last, but not least, check out cafemom.com you can sign up for free and join groups where you can get more helpful hints and find great friends that live close by that might be experiencing the same issues as you.  Enjoy each and every day that you have with your son.  Relax and Have Fun!!

CONGRATS!!  It is the scariest, BEST time ever, ever ever!  You will learn the meaning of the word AMAZING, and, if you are obnoxious like me, you will correct random strangers who you hear using it incorrectly. Example:  “oh, that outfit is amazing!“  My response: “I JUST GAVE BIRTH, That is amazing, your outfit…not so much”
Ok, so I was a bit annoyed with the world at first, I was convinced EVERYONE on the road wanted to swerve and hit me the first few times we ventured out with the baby…it just happens, and one day, you will just be over that feeling.
Ellie hit on some very important things, one, you don’t need half the crap you will get at your shower, so resist the urge to buy more stuff.  Make sure you have the absolute essentials for the first few weeks, you can run to the store later.  You will need maxi pads (LOTS), lots of cereal or sandwich food, and tons of juice, water, etc.  The baby, really just needs some boobies, and a warm nook to curl up in.
I had a great experience with nursing, but know plenty of people who did not, so I agree with Ellie about the Elizabeth Blackwell center.  I also attended a New Moms group there, on Tuesdays, you will need somewhere to go, and a reason to brush your teeth, check it out, if only for a few weeks.
OH, and get a new memory card for your camera, and set up a Shutterfly account now, so you will not have to worry about it later, I love mine, and it keeps the whole family in touch.
I have a lot more to say, that might not be welcome here, such as what to say to all the strangers who will feel the need to tell you why they think your child is crying, drooling, smelly, or just there…but more on that later.

Good luck!

Sleep???  Yeah right, my son is 14 months old, and I still barely sleep, but I LOVE it.  Just enjoy every second.

Scott and Heidi/Heidi and Scott -

Congrats to you both! I am the parent of twin boys. I’ve learned to always have a mobile phone attached to my hip/in pocket/etc. You never know when you might need it for advice, company, etc.

Also, keep an ample supply of Baby/Child Benedryl, Tylenol and Advil in your house.

I already told Scott, but avoid a high chair altogether - use the Fisher-Price Booster Seat instead…saves space and $$ as long as the chair it’s attached to isn’t irreplaceable.

Also, order the previous year’s MUST-HAVE/BEST-BRAND model of high-end/more costly equipment online, e.g. big boy car seats, strollers, Baby Bjorns. Most times only fabric patterns change…you’ll get a great/popular/name-brand product at a cheaper price!

Lastly, laugh off what you can. Things are going to be messy and there are going to be multiple “incident reports”...rather than flipping out about unplanned-for chaos, have the foresight that you’re going to have a great story to tell. Try to remember them (be patient with yourself, Heidi…“Mommy Brain is a Real Disorder.“

Good luck…you’re almost there!

Cheers to Parenthood*
Amy

Here are a few tips that I learned over the past three years with my “little man”.

First, make sure certain areas are covered with a wash cloth or similar item when changing diapers. Even a few seconds can result in a fountain.

Second, when doing laundry, get one of the mesh laundry bags for socks and other really small items. If you pack a washer too full, it is possible to have an item suck into the drain tube resulting ina washer that won’t drain and either lots of time or money to get it fixed.

Another thing, that some might debate but our pediatrican told us to remember, is that it is okay to take a break. If you feel frustrated, especially if the baby is crying and all his or her needs are taken care of, let him or her cry for a few minutes and step outside to take a breath. It will make things easier as you are more relaxed and that will pass on to the baby to help him or her relax as well. Lastly, trust your instincts. You may feel overwhelmed, but you do know what is best.

Never hestitate to call the doctor, but don’t just rush the baby to the doctor’s office for every little thing. The nurses can talk to you and help you decide if you can handle the situation at home or if the little one needs to be seen.

Most of all, enjoy every minute you have with you son. The time goes way too quick and before you know it he will be a toddler and you will wonder where the time went.

Congrats and have fun as a family.

congratulations and welcome to ‘the club’!  :)
all of the advice everyone has given thus far is golden.  you are going to hear everyone say that the first three months are the hardest but truly, you can’t even grasp what that means in reality until you’re knee-deep in it.  and as cliche’ as it sounds, it does get better.  other moms (and dads) will be your best resource.  utilize them.  go to http://www.realmomsrock.com (a local website for real moms just like you, who seek the support of fellow moms).  best wishes!

~cena