Temper Tantrums…our first real “meltdown.“

I knew it would happen eventually, I just wasn’t expecting it, and I certainly was not expecting the intensity and ferocity by which it was executed.  I’m talking about the “temper tantrum” that my daughter, Caroline, clearly demonstrated for my husband and me last night. 

I can’t tell you what sparked her temper tantrum.  My guess is my husband tried to take something away from her that she wasn’t supposed to have anyway.  In an instant, Caroline had dropped down to the floor, arched her back in pure anger, and proceeded to kick like a kangaroo after 9 cups of coffee.  She managed to do this all while screaming at the top of her lungs.  Again, it doesn’t quite matter what sparked the temper tantrum, just how we deal with it right? 

So guess what we did.  My husband and I burst out laughing.  We couldn’t help it.  Her behavior caught me off guard, and it struck me as funny.  On one hand I was shocked.  What had gotten into her?  I had never seen this side of her before.  On the other hand, I’ll admit, I was a little proud.  Yes, proud.  My sweet peanut is a “fighter.“  She knows what she wants and won’t give up until she gets it.  A girl has to speak her mind and be assertive in this world right?  That being said, I do understand that I need to be the “good mom” and learn to deal with the temper tantrums in an appropriate manner, so that we can eventually go out in public.

I will also say that Caroline’s pediatrician warned me that temper tantrums were right around the corner, and this is “age appropriate.”  And from what I hear from other mothers, the tantrums should gradually decline in frequency and intensity within the next 20 years.

Most tantrums are typical and something every child goes through.  If you suspect they are something more serious, talk to your pediatrician about it.  There’s no harm in asking.  I have also discovered that the more childproofing you do in your home, the less you will have to say “no,“ and that might help prevent temper tantrums.

I found a few tips for my family that I thought I’d pass along to anyone else who may be curious in how to deal with temper tantrums in children….or adults at work, should the situation arise.  This information is from the American Academy of Pediatrics website, which is quickly becoming my “handbook.” 
What should I do when my child has a temper tantrum?
1. Distract your child by calling attention to something else, such as a new activity, book, or toy. Sometimes just touching or stroking a child will calm him or her.
2.Try to remain calm. If you shout or become angry, it is likely to make things worse. Remember, the more attention you give this behavior, the more likely it is to happen again.
3.Ignore minor displays of anger such as crying, screaming, or kicking. Stand nearby or hold your child without talking until she or he calms down. This shows your support. If you cannot stay calm, leave the room.
4. Some temper tantrums cannot be ignored. The following behaviors should not be ignored and are not acceptable:
*Hitting or kicking parents or others
*Throwing things in a dangerous way
*Prolonged screaming or yelling

Good luck, and if you have any tips or stories, please share them!

Good morning Ellie,

Some of the worst temper tantrums my oldest daughter had was when she was two.  We later figured out that she was trying to tell us what she wanted or needed but we just could not understand her.  When her words finally came to her we then understood her and the tantrum immediately stopped.  It was amazing!  Since then the tantrums have steadily decreased in intensity partly due to her maturing as well as we have made it understood that it is not acceptable behavior.  Now that you have experienced this the next one will be easier either by what you have learned the first time around and/or the next one will have a different temperment, hopefully milder which was the case with our second child.

We still have to laugh sometimes as first it relieves the tension of the moment and secondly it pops in the back of your mind is this what our parents mean by “I hope you have a child just like you.“

Oh My! These types of things have become very common in our home! Joey (22 months) loves to test us and see how far he can go! Also,  when he doesn’t get his way, he falls to the floor kicking, screaming and crying. We too, often find ourselves laughing at the ubsurdity and simplicity of the things he will have a meltdown over. I often take the route of walking away, ignoring it and not giving into the tantrum. Sometimes it works, sometimes not!

I love it!  You guys crack me up.  It’s nice to know I’m not alone.  Caroline really is a great little girl, but there are those moments, ya know?  I love hearing from everyone!

Ellie

Hi Ellie,
Our 2 1/2 year old daughter seems to be a pro at doing all the things you listed in number 4 (hitting, throwing yelling)... Fortunately, she seems to go in phases of tantruming/not tantruming and they usually happen the most right before a new phase of development.  I’ve learned that giving her LOTS of warnings about what is about to happen really helps, i.e. “we are leaving the park in two minutes” & “only one book before bed”. When she is really really upset I pick her up in a big bear hug and rock her really tight and that seems to help calm her down. Just a few things I’ve learned the hard way ;)
I agree with what you said about being proud that your daughter knows what she wants! As my mother-in-law always says, it’s great that they have a mind of their own (although I wouldn’t mind a day or two here or there when she lets me decide). 
Looking forward to watching your new show! Best wises.

Hi Ellie,
I guess since you and I have kids around the same age (17 months) we are going through the same thing.  Lucky us - huh?

My son Cameron is very good at throwing temper tantrums nowadays.  He will have to come inside from being outside and playing and when you go to sit him on the floor and throws his head back and lays on the floor, cries and kicks his feet.  Sounds very similiar to your daugthers tantrums…perhaps they went to the same tempter tantrum camp (lol).  Anyway, I just put him down and tell him to come in and play when he is done and when he realizes that I am not going to give in then he follows me right into the family room to play.  Good Luck with these months as I am sure you and I will be experiencing them together.

My 13 and a half month old, JUST started throwing himself down and putting his head down, just so I know he is NOT happy.  It is happening more than just when he is tired, so I guess I am in for some fun!

A woman let me go in front of her at Lowe’s the other day, I thanked her profusely, I had pushed my luck with too many errands in a row!  A screaming child is annoying to others I am sure, but I thank my lucky stars he is healthy enough to belt it out!

Sorry to anyone I encounter out, if my son is crazy…

Oh you are SO not alone! My daughter, Hannah, is 21 months now. She doesn’t have tantrums often..BUT…when she does, its a doozie!!!

I find that if she is hungry/tired/over stimulated, she tends to melt down quickly and over trivial things.

She isn’t talking all that much yet(we are actually getting her speech evaluated later this month) so many times, she gets frustrated because she can’t get us to understand what she wants.

I keep thinking…just wait til she is a teenager LOL

My daughter Autumn cracks me up when she has a temper tantrum, ( she is 2 yrs old and whoo these are doozies) she is down right hilarious. First I ask her what is wrong, she will cross her arms get this stern look on her face and say “nothing, I’m busy” then stomp away. Of course it is because she did not get what she wanted, I tell my husband there should be a “American Comedian” for kids of this age, because as parents these temper tanrums are so funny you have to try and not laugh while the child is in the room, after they leave I get tears in my eyes I am laughing so hard.

Wow!

This is fantastic advice Ellie! I actually have cracked up laughing too when Benjamin (my 2-year-old) throws a tantrum. It worked. Distraction is key or just walking out of the room.

Just let it ride and make sure they’re not hurting themselves.

Take care, and I LOVE your blog.