The Super Bowl of Two-Hand Touch
The sun splashed across this quiet Sunday morning. The birds chirped, and the dew on the grass glistened. As the foliage encased us in a caucophony of color, we knew the time had come… for TOUCH FOOTBALL!
It was the single finest game of the season, and you didn’t see it. So I must fill in the details… The inaugural NBC 4 Touch Football Spectacular featured 11 of the most finely conditioned athletes in central ohio. I also played, making it an even dozen players.
On the dark shirts, we had myself, Branden Joe, David Pfefferle, our buddy Beau Bishop from ONN, Brett Hiltbrand and Patrick Preston’s ladyfriend--who obviously classed-up our team.
On the white squad, TV’s Matt Alvarez--a former college QB, Maurice Hall, AMS certified meteorologist Dave Trygar, Pfeff’s buddy, Greg O’Leary and the shocking MVP of the contest, TV’s Patrick Preston.
We agreed on two-hand touch (Rule #1: no touching of the hair or face! and that’s it!), but that did not mean this contest went down quietly. Body parts were unintentionally grabbed, eyes were raked, ears were poked, feelings were crushed. Just like Dodgeball, touch football is a sport of intimidation and degredation.
But perhaps the story here isn’t about those who played, but those who did not. TV’s Omar Ruiz suffered from what doctors in Hollywood call “exhaution.” Former Buckeye QB Justin Zwick could not attend, or more accurately, chose not to.
But the game trudged on. Highlighted by poor route running and surprisingly good passing, the color team took a commanding 2 td 2nd half lead. But White squad QB Alvarez would not have the single most important game of his NBC 4 life go down in such disappointing fashion. A diving Maurice Hall could not come up with a 3rd down catch… but Alvarez went to a wide open Trygar (covered lazily by Smalley) to convert. Then, like a white stallion galloping through an open field, there went Preston streaking (not literally) to the endzone, where Alvarez precisely passed his team to a 1-TD defecit.
The white soon followed with another TD, setting up what all agreed would be the game’s definitive moment--a 2-point conversion try to determine the winner. Alvarez called for a huddle… Branden Joe huddled his mates… then it happened… Alvarez inexplicably threw short to Hall, who was promptly touched down by Joe, preserving a historic (or an historic, i think) win for the dark shirts!
The post game injury report lists two players: Smalley suffered a bruised shoulder (xrays negative), and a bruised ego for suffering a bruised shoulder. Mo Hall injured one of his two surgically repaired knees, but doctors say he’ll be back throwing Mid-Month mixers in no time.
Special Kudos to David Pfefferle for the courage as a grown man to wear tarheel blue tube socks. And to Brett Hiltbrand for representing the good folks at Big Walnut high school without them knowing it.
It was legen----wait for it----dary. I’m going to ice down my shoulder now.
PEACE
JROD
